Dave
by IceCrome
Summary: You never piss Ganondorf off. Link learns this the hard way. Crack, minor L/Z.


_Because the king of evil needs love too._

_And my brain has been buzzing with this idea for, like, ever._

_© Shigeru Miyamoto_

_Link is, yet again, OOC._

_-_

It was after Halloween, and Ganondorf couldn't be happier.

The mansion hosted an annual Halloween party, and after an uninspiring costume (consisting of his regular attire with a nametag that said 'DAVE' on it) he really just wanted to go back to being evil and beating the shit out of a fairy-boy in tights.

It was the only time he could actually win, too. God, being beaten by a guy in tights was not on his Bucket list.

But oh no. Said fairy boy would taunt him. At least his princess had the common sense to shut _up_, dammit, and go back to caring for that pink balloon-thing like it was her pet.

What he would do for a rifle. And bullets. Lots of bullets.

Or he could strike a deal with Pikachu and have him shock the bejeebies out him, provided that he gave the electric rodent an entire ketchup bottle.

The possibilities were endless…

But now, he had to deal with him. He could be extremely cocky at times. If only the others saw the _true _hero of time/hero of winds, then maybe they wouldn't respect him as much.

"Hey Ganondorf, it's past Halloween, take off your costume already!"

Ugh. Resist the urge to punch in the face.

Resist.

_Resist._

"Who's Dave, anyway?"

"It was from the _Office_. Now go away. I'm trying to watch _The Bold and the Beautiful._"

But nay, the bearer of the Triforce of Courage would not go away. If only Ganondorf learned the technique of _Falcon Punch._

But then he'd have an angry princess on his hands. And her pink balloon that was mysteriously powerful.

Huh. Weird.

"…the king of evil watches '_The Bold and the Beautiful?'_ That's just..." A string of laughs and snorts followed his mouth, and he fell on the floor. God, he could go for something that had alcohol in it right now.

"Hey Link, you ate the last bowl of Frosted Flakes you jerk!" Red (a.k.a. Pokemon Trainer) came in; to see Link on the floor, rolling in laughter, while Ganondorf had several veins popping in his head and the Bold and the Beautiful playing in the background.

He needed more sleep.

"I'm just…uh…bye."

"You know, you annoy me with each passing hour." Ganondorf said, narrowing his eyes at the Hylian.

"I'm sorry Mr. _King of Evil._ I'd think that you'd be able to put up with someone who continually pulverizes you. Your mom could bring more than you."

Okay.

That

Was

_It._

-

"MY SPINE! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU BEND A SPINE!" Marth and Samus listened in horror as several 'cracks' and 'crunches' were heard. Samus was about to open the door, but Marth smacked away her hand.

"Do you _want_ to suffer the same fate?" He hissed. Samus blinked.

Point taken.

"Well, we have to do some_thing._ We can't just continually keep hearing the cracking of bones." Samus put a finger to her chin in thought. Twas true they couldn't just sit there, they had to do something, lest Link become, well, dead.

"Idea! I'll paralyze him, and you beat the hell out of him with your sword."

-

The door opened, and Samus shot a beam at Ganondorf. He was paralyzed for just enough time so that Marth could unleash hell on him.

Ganondorf was slightly battered and bruised as Link had tried to defend himself, but ultimately was not fairing too well against the extremely pissed off King of Evil.

Marth had managed to knock him unconscious, and Samus heaved Link onto her back to take him to the hospital ward. Marth, the same with Ganondorf.

Samus had been training with the Chozo, so carrying Link was a breeze after she had taken off his damn belt with all his 'necessary items' on it.

Marth, however, not so much.

"Oh my _god, _this guy weighs a ton." Samus snorted.

"Whiner."

-

Link had awoken to various casts on parts of his body, and IV fluid pumping through his body.

"Good morning star shine, the earth says hello." He recognized the sarcasm belonging to the one and only Samus Aran. Marth sat in a seat, asleep, with Zelda sitting next to him, her head absentmindedly on his shoulder, also asleep. Samus had Pikachu sitting on her shoulder, blinking at the Hylian.

"What happened?"

"To put it in a nutshell, you insulted Ganondorf, and then he beat the ever-living out of you. Marth and I had to haul Ganondorf's body and yours out to the hospital ward. You've been out cold for some time now." Link blinked.

"Oh yeah…now I remember. I started insulting him."

"…well, now that I hear that, I can't really blame him for his actions."

"Was not the brightest idea I've ever had, to be honest."

"Mm. Well, I've got to feed Pikachu. I'll let Dr. Mario know you're up." Samus shook Marth awake, and left the room. Marth's awakening made the drowsy princess wake up.

'_Oh god, I'm going to get a pimp-slap from the princess of Hyrule.'_

"You are an idiot. You 'your-mom'd' the King of Evil! That is one of the most stupid and inconsiderate things I've ever heard."

Link was silent.

"I mean honestly. You really think-mmph!" A kiss shut her up.

"…very funny. If you'll excuse _me_, I've got to kiss up to the King of Evil _and _feed Jigglypuff." Zelda huffed, and walked out of the room.

Well, at least he wouldn't have to fight for a while. He could take a well-earned rest.

-

Link, finally out of the hospital ward, came out with a cast on his arm and two black eyes. Pit stopped, and looked at him.

"Whoa, Link? What're you doing? Halloween's over, you can take off the costume."

Link sighed.

Pit really never was the brightest person in the world.

Then again, neither was he.

-

_I can not be the only one who wanted to see Link do a 'your mom' to Ganondorf._

_And The Bold and the Beautiful was thrown in there for good measure._


End file.
